Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
