I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
