Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
