every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize