Do you still have your period?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have demons in me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
