So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
