new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There r osticjed everywhere
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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