Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
