She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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