why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
