there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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