Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
