**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
