This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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