Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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