the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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