bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize