I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
