hotel room ftw
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
