The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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