This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
did i just pee glitter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
