i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
