I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
