these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
