I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sponge bath it is.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
