she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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