She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
