Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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