you guys were way drunker than both of me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize