flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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