you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
