Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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