"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
