have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
