I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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