Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize