I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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