I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
