You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
