Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
