"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I could make wine with my vomit
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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