would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
