You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They took my balls.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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