i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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