I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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