So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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