Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
honey bunches of taint.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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