News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
