Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
