I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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