I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
