Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
