heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
