Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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