nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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