it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I only lived at night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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