Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
