mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
