He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
