If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
