Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
