I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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