My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk is not a location!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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