So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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