Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she peed on how many people?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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