She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
