i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
