I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
