hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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