can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
