tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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