good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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