Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
