I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
