I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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