Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
