our cab driver is having phone sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
