Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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