I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
