Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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