Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
