When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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