Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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