Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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