We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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