I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize