Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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