I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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