I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just google imaged poop.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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