Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
