my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
