i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
